


Head Over Hill

by Unknownnobody32



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Agents of SHIELD Tie-In, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Blame FitzSimmons, Brief Mentions of Thor/Jane, Crack Treated Seriously, Embarrassment, Epilogue, Explained OOC-ness, F/M, Fangirl Maria Hill, Gen, Humor, Love Potion/Spell, One-Sided Maria/Steve, One-Sided Maria/Thor, One-Sided Relationship, Prologue, Science Accidents, Shameless Male Ogling, Side Effects, Something's Not Right Here, Steve Rogers & Thor Friendship, Unrequited Lust, shameless flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknownnobody32/pseuds/Unknownnobody32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agent Hill becomes unknowingly contaminated by a concentrated chemical substance created by two SHIELD techs. Though originally devised to make hostile subjects cooperative, this chemical, still in its early developmental stages, instead causes Maria to act brazenly flirtatious toward the next persons in sight: Captain America and the God of Thunder. How awkward could things get?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Worst That Could Happen

**Author's Note:**

> This is an introductory chapter, or a Prologue of sorts, setting up the events which ignite the plot of this fic. The two characters which pop up here I borrowed from the Marvel's Agents of SHIELD series due to convenience. You wouldn't have to follow the show to understand this story since it's not technically a crossover. All you really have to know is that both characters are very very smart (AKA a bio-chemist and a weapons/tech engineer,) young, and simply adorkable.

 

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Agent Hill had quickly keyed in her security code before entering one of the many laboratory workstations at SHIELD Headquarters. She finds both technicians- Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz- with heads buried in their work.

Hill clears her throat. "Dr. Simmons, Fitz," She begins with a curt nod.

They both acknowledge her with a glance upward and cordial salutations.

"I won't keep you long, but I'm here for the progress report on Project VT300."

Hill steps closer to their station to observe their scattered workspace while both Simmons and Fitz remain absorbed by their research.

"That's not the project, is it?" Maria finally asks, eyes taking in the various filled beakers amongst Simmons' microscope and the disassembled pieces of what looked like a tranquilizer gun spread before Fitz.

"Hmm?" Simmons asks distractedly. "Oh no, this is a bit of a side project actually." She mentions smiling.

Fitz abandons his former task in favor of joining the conversation. "Right, see we've been developing a chemical substance that can be used in the field, but tailored specifically for interrogations."

"Oh? What will it do?" Hill inquiries, her original duty being momentarily forgotten.

"Technically speaking, it alters how the brain reacts to aggressive stimuli by bypassing such reactions from the amygdala." Simmons explains.

Hill looks unimpressed. "And for the layman?"

"It would make hostile subjects more compliant and less temperamental toward their captors." She translates.

"Even a bit friendly, perhaps." Adds her partner.

"Well, that's still to be worked out. It's only in its early stages, so the emotional reactions have been kind of… sketchy." Simmons mumbles apologetically.

Hill shrugs a shoulder, "Ah, well either way it sounds beneficial."

"Exactly, and since Jemma decided against a gaseous form and refocused her efforts on creating an injection, I've been working on the accompanying tranq. gun."

"That reminds me," Simmons begins, turning toward Fitz, "You could probably integrate this into an arrowhead for Barton later."

"That's a…" Fitz's exclamation gets interrupted by a loud explosion from a nearby area. The shock from it jars the room, causing Simmons to shoot a hand out to still her wobbling test tubes and Maria to brace herself on a desk.

"What on earth is that, by the way?!" Simmons directs at Agent Hill.

Fitz steadies a swaying light fixture above him. "It's dreadfully disruptive and we've experienced it twice already in this wing. Jemma spilled her formula and everything."

Maria rolls her eyes at the forthcoming thought. "That's just Stark in 112 doing some sort of demo with his new tech."

"Stark's doing a tech demo in 112!" Fitz asks eagerly, practically beaming at the knowledge one of his engineering idols was showing off in the near vicinity.

"Yes, and from the explosions I gather it's either going extremely well or fairly terrible… it's hard to tell with Stark." Maria says with a wry smile.

Fitz puts down his forceps and leaps from his seat, "You don't need me right now, right Jemma?"

Simmons gives him a knowing look, but then grins, "Get to it, Leo. Go forth and drool at new tech."

"Thank you!" He says, zipping past Agent Hill without another word.

As Simmons shakes her head at her coworker's rushed exit, Agent Hill takes on a more business like tone.

"It seems I've gotten off task here. The progress report on VT300, Simmons?"

"Oh …right," She remembers absentmindingly, going back to her microscope. She waves Maria toward a tabletop to the right. "I believe Fitz moved it over there."

* * *

 

 

**Several Minutes Later...**

Fitz returned to the lab only to find his partner alone.

"Back so soon?" Asks Simmons.

"Yea, Stark was done with his exhibit and had already left. Then no one would let me in while they were doing clean up."

"Oh. Sorry about that."

"It's okay." Fitz says resigned, " I've got more than enough tech to keep my hands full right here."

Simmons offers him a warm smile as he passes her.

After a beat, he asks, "So I'm guessing Agent Hill got what she came in here for?"

"Mmm Hmm. She only wanted the progress report we filled out for VT300."

"Wait...WHAT!" Fitz almost shouts, his eyes bulging out.

"Whatever is the matter?"

"The folder I put over there?" He questions, motioning at the table to her right. "Because I moved that folder over there _after_ you spilled the interrogation formula. Several pages had gotten soaked with the stuff!"

"Oh No! I splattered the very potent and non-diluted version. Fitz, she already handled the folder!" Cried Simmons as a distressed Fitz scrubs his face with his hands.

"I know, I'm sorry...I forgot to tell you it had been contaminated... I should have just destroyed it."

Simmons sighs and then takes a calming breath. "Look, we are probably over reacting anyway."

Fitz peeks at her from between his fingers. "You think?"

"Sure. I mean... I created this formula to be an injection, so it's not likely to enter her blood stream by merely soaking through pores."

"Right, you're right. And it isn't like it's lethal or anything. Plus the effects are temporary." Fitz concludes rationally.

"Exactly. Like you said before , even if by some small chance it does reach her system somehow, the least it could do is make her friendlier."

"Heh yea... what's the worst that could happen?" Fitz says with a shrug, joining Simmons in her nervous laughter.

* * *

 

 

**Meanwhile...**

Maria is at her desk looking through said progress report. She notices several pages are blurry around the edges as if they had gotten wet, but she dismisses this, only concerned with the legibility of the text. As she thumbs through it, she slices her finger on one of the pages.

The wound immediately gushes red and she pops it into her mouth to forestall getting a Band-Aid.

"Damn it." She mutters to herself, "I hate paper cuts."


	2. At First Sight

Maria had been shut in her office for about 30 minutes and was only interrupted once by a skittish looking Jemma Simmons donned in latex gloves, insisting she needed the progress report back due to an oversight. She had promised to get Agent Hill a fresh copy in a few hours while inspecting her so closely that Maria quickly obliged, feeling uncomfortable under such obvious scrutiny.

Currently Maria had left her desk in search of a medic station. She had tried to ignore the sting of the freshly inflicted cut, yet the more time passed by the more the air seemed to make it burn. She noted the gash looked a bit inflamed around the edges and thought it would be wise to find some ointment and gauze to fight off both infection and irritation.

As she made it down a corridor, she heard the echoes of male voices before seeing Thor and Steve come in to view around the corner. The moment she spots them she feels light headed and as the blood rushes back to her skull, she is struck with the random notion to admire them.

They were both in well fitted civilian clothes, handsome faces alight with mirth. Thor seemed to be in the middle of retelling a tale.

"... visage blackened with soot. Then imagine our surprise when it up and ran away from him!" Thor was saying, ending with a rumbling chuckle.

Steve cracks a wide grin, joining in his laughter. "Boy, I'd love to have seen the look on his face!"

The god smirks, "I am certain Barton would have taken photographs if there had been opportunity. "

Steve huffs a laugh and slaps Thor heartily on the back. He's about to say something else but instead turns when noticing Agent Hill gazing at them , still frozen in her tracks.

Steve greets her with a polite smile, "Oh, hi Agent Hill. Sorry, I didn't see you there."

Thor turns blue eyes on her as well and inclines his head, "Hello, Lady Maria."

Why Maria suddenly felt starstruck, she didn't know, but she did wonder in a fleeting moment how come she never realized how attracted she was to these two before. Her face flushes more red than it already was and she giggles coyly.

"Hello Captain Rogers, Thor. Always a pleasure to see you both." She says, voice going lower than usual as she struts in the direction between the two of them.

They separate to allow her space to pass and neither man misses the way she looks them up and down.

Thor and Steve stare at one another in momentary confusion, but continue on down the hall. Hill slows her gate considerably to throw her head back over her shoulder. She smiles to herself, appreciating the retreating view of their rear.

It felt too awkward to jump back into their former conversation,but when they are far enough away from her, Thor mutters, "This must be how victuals would feel as Volstagg gazes upon their platters before devouring them."

Steve catches Thor's meaning and has to laugh. "She _was_ looking at us rather hungrily, wasn't she?"

"Verily. Perhaps she longs for a male companion. Someone should find her a proper suitor."

Cap makes a face at the idea, but he doesn't deny the possibility.


	3. Invading Norse Territory

"...to your quarters for the night, and be ready to board the Quinjet at 0600 hours tomorrow." Agent Hill closed with this as she surveyed the small group, consisting of Agent Barton, Romanoff, and several other SHIELD Agents along with Thor and Captain Rogers.

She had just concluded overseeing an Avengers' meeting, standing in for Fury who had been called away to the DC sector, though it wasn't an official Avengers' meetings since both Stark and Dr. Banner were absent. The objective of the upcoming mission called for more covert measures than superhero bravado. In fact, the Thunder God would not have been present if it wasn't for them being in need of his power over lightening.

Once the conference was over, Maria had tailed Thor until he entered one of the empty break rooms. Meetings tended to make him restless, reminding him of tedious Asgardian council gatherings at Odin's side; therefore, it was not uncommon to find him in search of a calming cup of coffee after his attendance.

She stood silently in the doorway watching him as he poured himself some of the steaming beverage, his back to her. Now was her chance.

Agent Hill eased into the room, shutting the door behind her softly. She hadn't made much of a sound, but Thor stopped mid-sip and said, "Are you following me, Lady Maria?"

Damn, she'd been found out.

He set his mug aside to face her and Maria tried to still her speeding heart when she caught sight of the way his eyes sparkled as he smirked.

"What if I am?" She answered smoothly, not betraying her inner delight.

Thor 's smirk widens at her vague response. "Then I would be forced to ask if I may be of service to you for some reason."

She stalks toward him with a leer and admits, "I'm sure I could find several ways in which you could service me."

Thor's brows furrow as she closes the space between them, backing him up against the counter.

"I beg your pardon!"

Agent Hill ignores him, instead she trails a hand up the expanse of his chest.

"You just don't know how magnificent you are." She breathes, hands tracing his pecs.

Thor looks perplexed for a moment, but suddenly breaks out into a smile. "Did my Jane put you up to this?"

Maria scowls at the mention of Dr. Foster. She had never felt any animosity toward her before, but for some reason she felt threatened by the mere thought of the other woman.

"Excuse me?" She says a bit sourly, trying to sneak her paws up his t-shirt.

Thor, with a knowing grin , slides out of her reach, dodging to the left. "Lady Darcy once told me that women would often test the fidelity of their beloved by entrusting another female confidant to make advances at him. If this is so, tell Jane she need not resort to such trickery. I love her dearly and would not so much as glance at another woman as I do her."

Maria scoffs, "I don't know why you're going on and on about Jane. That's the last person I was thinking about, I can tell you that."

Thor looks taken aback by her retort, giving Agent Hill an opening to slip into his personal space once again.

"Now why don't you drop the act and get on with what I know you _really_ want." She whispers, fingers gently pulling blonde strands away from his face.

Her touch makes Thor react with a jolt and he grabs her wrist brusquely. "Then I am afraid you are severely mistaken, Lady Maria!"

"But..." Hill begins only to be cut off.

"Nay, listen!" He scolds, his inflection going dark, "I know not what has come upon you, but this must cease this moment. Let us not speak of it again." And with that he takes leave from the room, his cup of coffee growing cold and forgotten.

Maria sighs and utters to herself, "Fine, you'll come around. Meanwhile, Rogers might be more willing."

Too bad Thor hadn't heard that, because he could have warned poor Steve of what was coming.


	4. Fraternizing With Captains

It was going on two days since Agent Hill had seen either Thor or Steve and she was about to go stir crazy waiting for them to return from their mission. Once they finally arrived at HQ in the afternoon, she was eager to get debriefing over with and very thankful Fury's absence gave her reason to be present for it. Thor had skillfully avoided her gaze throughout the entire affair, but little did he know that she had her eye on his friend instead.

"Captain Rogers, would you hang back a couple of minutes, there's something I'd like to discuss with you." Maria announced while everyone else made for the exit.

"Of course, Agent Hill." Steve says, remaining in his seat.

After the last person was gone, Cap looked over at Maria who had risen from her own chair.

"What exactly do you wish to speak to me about, Hill?"

"Just something I had considered about the structure of your uniform."

"Oh?" He began as she made for his direction, "As you know, Stark just did an upgrade to the material not too long ago."

Steve is startled when he feels Maria's finger tips tickle the back of his neck from her position behind him.

"Did he?" Is her only comment.

"Uhh... yea...he's sort of taken it on himself to be involved in the...um... " Steve loses his train of thought when Maria starts to massage his shoulder blades.

He swivels around in his chair, about to ask if she's been feeling okay lately, but gasps when Maria drapes herself across his lap.

"Wha-what are yo-you doing?" He stammers.

His question goes unanswered while she nuzzles herself into the nape of his neck.

Rogers shoots up from the chair, forcing Maria to stand on her own two feet.

"Please tell me this is some kind of joke or a bet from Stark?" He manages to say without choking over his words.

Agent Hill throws her head back and laughs this off in a lightheaded manner.

She offers him an innocent smile. "I can see you are getting uncomfortable, Captain. Let us get back to business, shall we?"

"Umm, alright?" Steve says uncertainly, still standing and looking bewildered.

"Right..." She steps around him till she faces the back of his head.

She leans in until her lips barely graze his ear, "Has anyone ever told you that your suit hugs you in _all_ the right places."

"WHAT!?" Is all Steve has time to bark out before he receives a generous pinch to his behind.

The super solider lets out a most unmanly yelp and stumbles away from her.

"Agent Hill!" Steve says as he stares at her wide eyed. "This is completely inappropriate behavior. Frankly, I'm surprised at you!" He continues to admonish.

"Don't pretend you haven't thought about me." Maria quipped, the sultriness leaving her voice and being replaced with sass.

Before she could try to pounce on him a second time, Barton stuck a head through the door.

"Hey, you done here Rogers? Cuz we're catching a ride back to the Tower and wondered if you'd like to come along."

Steve looked immensely relieved to see Clint at this moment. "Oh trust me, we're _more_ than finished here. Let's go."

Captain Rogers hurriedly moves to his teammate's side.

A second goes by as Clint takes in Steve's flustered appearance and Agent Hill's obvious annoyance, but he shakes it off, opting to catch up with a hasty retreating Cap before he gets left behind.


	5. Official Business

The next day back at the Avengers' Tower, Steve was preparing to join Thor for some leisure combative training .

As Thor removed his shirt and set it aside, Steve took a final swig of Gatorade.

"Thank you for accepting my invitation, Captain." Thor had been saying to his friend.

Steve takes off his own shirt and places it near Thor's. "Don't mention it. It's always a pleasure to spar with you and uh, I'm actually kind of relieved you invited me when you did."

Thor, wrapping his knuckles, looks up at Steve who is now stretching. "How so?"

Steve meets his eye and looks a bit sheepish. "Well, Bruce told me Agent Hill is in the building to see Natasha but um... I've been trying to avoid her lately."

The god freezes at the mention of her, "Maria? Why, what has she done?"

Steve lets out an awkward laugh. "This is kind of embarrassing, but believe it or not, she tried to come on to me the other day."

"Tis strange, but believable, for she has done the very same to me not long ago." Thor replies.

"Really?!" Steve asks, surprised.

"Aye."

"Huh... that's odd, isn't it?"

"Indeed it is."

"Hmm, maybe you were right; she needs her own fella or somethin'."

Thor nods in agreement and begins to pull his hair back and away from his face.

Reminded of something, Steve swallows hard with a grimace and then asks Thor, "Did she ...err... has she sent you those pictures of her... on your cellphone?"

The Thunderer shakes his head, "If she had I'd fail to notice, for I barely remember I own such a device. Why? What were they of?"

Crimson streaks Rogers' cheeks. "I'll put it this way and say it was more of Maria than I _ever_ needed to see."

Thor arches one brow at his companion. "Oh..."

* * *

Natasha had been caught off guard having Agent Hill drop by her floor of the tower. What struck her more peculiar than the random visit was her appearance- though clad in her SHIELD uniform, Maria's hair was teased and styled to perfection and she had on heavy makeup and non-regulation heels.

After a minute of pleasantries, Maria had explained, "I'm here to deliver your upgraded Widow's Bites." Then she had handed her the brief case she'd been carrying.

"Well, I thank you Hill, but you know you didn't have to bring them personally." Said Natasha.

"Of course, but I was in the area anyways. Also..." Maria shifts her eyes when she tacks on, "I have some official business with Rogers and Thor."

"I see." Natasha says, watching as Maria's gaze darts around her lounge as if both towering men could be hiding somewhere behind the couches.

"Do you think you could help me find them?" She asks finally, "I went to both their living quarters but they aren't there."

"Certainly. JARVIS, would you locate Steve and Thor for us."

"Both are sparring in Thor's training wing, Miss Romanoff." The AI answers without hesitation.

"And there you go." Nat says, pointing up at the ceiling.

Hill smiles slightly in gratitude. "Thank you, Natasha. I do hope you find your weapons working in a satisfactory order . Now excuse me , I should head over to Thor's floor once again."

"Of course. Then I'll leave you to it." Natasha answers as Maria proceeds to exit the room.

The assassin doesn't spot the way Hill lowers her front zipper at the threshold.

* * *

Maria almost finds herself panting when she comes upon the demigod and solider. In battle stance, both are half-dressed from the hips up and lightly sheened in sweat.

She's startled into remembering to breathe once Steve shifts to block a strike from Thor, only to have his feet kicked out from beneath him. The Captain tumbles to the floor, laughing breathlessly and with a sharp tug to the god's leg, he sends Thor down with him.

Thor beams over at Steve from the matted floor, "Why Captain, you fight dirty!"

Maria uses this as her segue to seduce.

"Mind if I join in?" She asks, howbeit suggestively.

At the sound of her voice, both Steve and Thor spring up instantly. They view her overly glamorized style and note the ample amount of bosom she had on display.

"Agent Hill!" Goes Steve, " I- I almost didn't recognize you. You look ..."

"Like someone trying to lure a predator." Thor finishes, tone lacking humor.

Maria overlooks his jab and provides them with a kittenish grin. She bites her glossed lip as her eyes rove over glorious planes of biceps and abs.

Needless to say, the two cut their sparring session short to escape her wanton ogling with urgency.


	6. The Assassin's Assist

Though only a few days had passed, it was beginning to feel like an eternity for Steve and Thor as they suffered Maria's unwanted attentions. Between the two of them- Steve was subjected to partake in a game of footsie during a meeting, Thor had gotten groped in a lonely hallway at HQ, Steve still received a naughty text every several hours or so, and once Thor had exited his shower, only to be ambushed by an evening gown wearing Maria desperately pleading for a date.

Not only that, but the both of them kept getting little love notes and gifts sent to the tower in their name. Some messages had been raunchier than others and harder to explain, like the one Tony had snatched from Thor's clutch one evening and read aloud.

 

>  ' _Thor, my liege, I dream of grasping your hair as I let you …'  
> _

_"..._ the hell!? Foster's not as sweet as she looks!"

After Thor had commandeered the letter, he had almost leapt to Jane's defense, arguing she hadn't written such indecencies. Fortunately, he thought better of it.

* * *

Though neither man had mentioned their experiences to anyone before, at their wits end, they at last decided to enlighten Natasha toward Agent Hill's bizarre behavior. Following an extremely awkward conversation detailing Hill's exploits, Nat was almost at a loss for words.

"Wow... okay. I admit the only weird thing I witnessed her do this week was showing up here, face dolled up like a showgirl; but even _that_ wouldn't have lead me to ever imagine she'd go _this_ far."

"So it's just around us then. But you agree it's borderline harassment?" Steve asks.

"Ha! More like borderline obsessive. She's practically stalking you both now." Natasha states, hearing Thor's distinct grumble of irritation.

"And you guys say this started about a day before our mission?"

"Aye, from what Steven tells me, she approached me first and then him upon our return." Thor confirms.

"That's excluding the moony look she gave us in that corridor." Clarifies Steve.

"Alight. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. I'll backtrack Hill's activities and try to see who and what she came in contact with before she started batting lashes at you both. I know a guy in HQ security, so maybe I can get a viewing of the surveillance feed of that first day, find some clues and formulate a timeline."

* * *

Agent Romanoff did exactly this and the trail lead to none other than Simmons and Fitz. When Natasha visited their lab, she came with Captain Rogers and the Thunder god in tow and told them to let her do the talking.

She retold their story, skimming over the most mortifying details for their benefit while still giving the overall impression of Maria's behavior. Leo and Jemma started looking increasingly pale as she went on, and when she was finished they both looked positively ill.

"Oh dear!" Was how Fitz broke the initial silence.

"No no no no..." Simmons muttered to herself.

Fitz turned to Jemma with an accusatory glare. "I thought you said you had it handled!?"

"I did! Well, at least I thought I did. I observed her as I got the report back and she looked peachy keen."

"Then how is Miss Peachy Keen reacting to the formula!?"

"Don't ask me! Maybe she wouldn't have gotten in this predicament if you had have gotten rid of the bloody folder!"

Thor and Steve looked back and forth between the bickering duo until Romanoff finally put an end to it.

"Enough you two! Now from what I just heard, I'm guessing the two of you know what's causing Hill's drastic personality change."

Simmons warily glances at the two blonde Avengers before beginning,"We'd been working on a new formula for interrogations. When injected it's supposed to make belligerent parties more compliant for questioning, but it's not exactly stabilized yet so the emotional responses aren't very precise. "

"And there was an accident and Agent Hill somehow got a very potent version of the substance into her bloodstream. We thought we had it under control..." Fitz tries to explain.

"That doesn't matter." Natasha said abruptly. "How long will it last?"

"Oh... oh.. it's temporary...definitely temporary." Fitz stutters.

"It is! But um, this was a concentrated formula so it may last a little less than a week... or maybe more... who can tell." Supplies Simmons, as all three Avengers sigh in exasperation.

"Don't forget about the latest tests." Fitz whispers to her.

"Latest tests?" The spy overhears, "What, are there side effects worst than what she's already acquired? I need full disclosure here!" Natasha demands, sounding alarmed.

Simmons laughs a tad hysterically."Uhh ...something like that. We recently experimented with our most recent batch on some rather aggressive monkeys... and uh... after a short incubation period in their nervous system... they tried to mate with their handler."

"WHAT!?" Chorused the super solder and demigod.

"We need to get her in containment." Black Widow commands in an even voice. "And before she attempts rape on the two of them." She adds as an afterthought, gesturing toward Thor and Steve.

Natasha then tries to hide her amusement at their equally horrified expressions.


	7. Confinement Confessions

Agent Hill was informed of her condition, and though she denied anything being remotely wrong with her, she was placed in confinement and under close observation. Of course Hill had only went willingly after being escorted by Steve and Thor and reassured that they'd visit her often.

She remained contained for a total of 5 days, being routinely tested for improvement. Checking if the effects had worn off required a fairly simple method. All one had to do was note whether they could send either Steve or Thor in the same room with Maria without her trying to cop a feel.

On the sixth morning, a change in Maria was evident when she woke up demanding to know why she was quarantined in sick bay. In a brief hour, both Thor and Steve were sent in to see her with Natasha lurking behind to supervise.

"Lady Maria, how fare thee this morning?" Thor inquires gently.

"I am FINE, Thor. Now would somebody tell me why I am in here!"

Steve takes a step closer, "You mean, you don't remember?"

"Remember _what_? All I know is they said they won't let me out until I see the two of you, which is not even protocol, by the way!" Agent Hill snaps.

Steve looks over at Thor and matches his grin. Prepared to test the waters, he gives Thor a signal with a dip of his head, then in large strides, together they reach a short distance in front of her.

"Are you certain you are all right, Maria?" Thor asks, one last time.

Both men prepare to bat away impending kisses and caresses, but are pleasantly surprised to find she's actually taken a cautious step _away_ from them.

"Is there something you both aren't telling me?" She questions, suspicion evident in her body language.

"At last!" Thor bellows excitedly without warning.

Steve lets loose the breath he'd been holding, "Thank God that's over!"

Maria's forehead wrinkles and she crosses her arms. "So you're being cryptic on purpose. Is that it?"

Here, Natasha finally finds it appropriate to intercede. "That will be all you two. This must be more than overwhelming for Agent Hill, so you best leave and let me debrief her on her former predicament."

"As you wish." Thor says, with a final flash of a smile toward Maria.

"Of course. It's good to have you back, Agent Hill." Steve says, following behind Thor for the doorway.

Natasha steps further into the room and waits for both men to leave and shut the door before she addresses her fellow agent.

"That's a nice show you put on, leading them to believe you've forgotten."

Maria jerks her head toward Natasha, "I don't know what you m..."

"Stop. It's not worth the effort lying to a person extremely perceptive of lies and highly skilled at telling them. "

Maria glowers at her but says nothing more.

Natasha responds by breaking into a smile. "I'll give it to you, you may have fooled any other professional, but I know you and I can't help but read your tell-tale signs."

Hill sighs, dropping her front, "You win, Romanoff."

"I know I do. " The red head says smugly. "At least it's true you aren't lusting after the tall blonde hunks anymore." Nat teases.

"Ugh, don't remind me." Maria plants a palm to her forehead and falls into a nearby seat. "But _do_ remind me to promptly execute Fitz and Simmons."

Natasha chuckles softly, then follows her suit by sitting. "So why don't you want the guys aware you remember your actions while incapacitated?"

"Because... it's humiliating enough that _they_ remember. I don't think I could bear facing them if they know _I_ do too." She professes.

When Natasha bursts out with a laugh, Maria has to join her despite herself.

After the laughter dies, Natasha speaks. "You know when Fury returned, I went to him with this and cracking up was pretty much his overall reaction too, before gruffly telling me to handle it. It was creepy."

"Yet somehow that doesn't surprise me." Maria says dryly. Eventually she asks, "I know I won't live this down under these circumstances alone, but please tell me Stark and Barton don't know about this."

Nat smirks, imagining their delight, but offers an assuring smile for the other woman.

"I tried to keep this situation on a need-to-know basis and I found they didn't really need to know."

"Bless you, Natasha." Says Maria, feeling forever indebted to her at that moment. "Now I'd only rest in peace if I knew for sure Steve and Thor wouldn't let those photos I texted get into the wrong hands."

Natasha's brows almost enter her hairline, " _What_ photos?"

Agent Hill tries to hide a blush as she flies to her feet, "Uh...never-mind."


	8. Epilogue: A Little Birdie Told Me

At an official Avengers' meeting everyone was expected to be there, except so far two members and Fury himself hadn't arrived yet.

Somewhere between the quiet mummers of conversation, Tony waltzes in the doorway with glee apparent on his face and Clint's not far behind him trembling with the onset of laughter.

Tony sees Thor and points to him, lips turned up into a cocky sneer. "You divine Casanova, you! Not so chivalrous now aren't we?"

Thor narrows eyes at Tony from across the room, getting an overwhelming feeling he wouldn't enjoy where this jest was headed.

It only takes seconds before Tony puts on the pseudo-Shakespearean air he associates with Asgard.

"Do'th thou lovely Lady Jane knowest 'bout the new vixen of thy affections?" He mocks.

Thor threateningly jumps up from his seat. "Anthony, I am warning you…"

Tony, of course, doesn't miss a beat. "And Capsicle, you aren't as old fashioned as I thought. So how does this new relationship work, is it a threesome? Probably so …you seem like the sharing kind of guy."

Clint slaps his hands hard on his knees, keeling over at what he believed was comedic gold.

Steve instead looks just as outraged as the demigod. "Don't be crude! And it's not funny, Stark!"

"Tony, what are you even talking about?" Bruce asks from his side of the table.

Dr. Banner didn't have the slightest clue what had tickled the billionaire's fancy, but from the rigorous shake of Natasha's head, he guesses he shouldn't have even asked.

"A little birdie named Hawkeye just heard a juicy piece of SHIELD gossip that I'm about to make the highlight of this meeting."

Just as if he had planned it himself, Maria Hill- the object of future ridicule- walks through the doors.

Thor and Steve both groan at what they know is coming.

"Did Director Fury mention…" She halts, taking one glance at Clint gasping for air in the corner and Tony's obnoxious grin. "What's going on in here?"

"Ah Maria, just the woman we were gabbing about." Tony strolls toward her and places a hand over her shoulder, "So tell us, is it true about your misadventures with sexting?"

No one knows Fury overhears this from his stance in the hall or sees the way he turns around chuckling, mind made up only to return when the coast is clear.


End file.
